When you realise you want to message a friend in 2017, you really need to think how am I going to do this. Do you slide on into their DM’s on Instagram?? Do you Giff them on Facebook? Do you send a picture of your face looking like a thumb on Snapchat with a caption? Do you send a voice note on Whatsapp? Each channel has its selling points, and specific occasions. With endless broadcasting options at our fingertips, it is even more important to ensure you are aware of the faux pas that come with each one.
Snapchat versus Instagram story; let the battle commence. For some time, Snapchat was the circuit board to my social life. 10-second wires from all over the world connecting together to produce one long stream of film content, which filled the entirety of a 45-minute train ride. If you were doing something PC like walking along the Thames when it is not actually raining it was a story, if it was non-PC like watching your friend passionately pull in an Uber, it was a snap. ALAS, one year on, we meet the undoubtedly damaging Instagram story. Was Snapchat going to be the Blackberry phone of this decade? Instagram stories like Apple imessages offer us Boomerang, new stickers, location tagging and many more views. Just like BBM messenger, is Snapchat waving its white flag over the app store? Is this RIP Snapchat?
Whilst Snapchat has fired back, armed with live news stories and Cosmopolitan adverts about how sustain a miserable sexlife, the concept of non-permanence will ensure they continue to combat Instagram in 2017. I have faith that millennial’s of this world will continue to send promiscuous snaps with dogear filter faces (guilty). Snapchat should hire the M&S Christmas moments advert voice,
“For those 5am moments, when you’ve mistaken your neighbours house for your own, they open the door and you are wearing a Vietnamese gown and an army print bucket hat with two cigarettes in your mouth, it’s a Snapchat (not Instagram) moment.”
If you did not Facebook check in, were you actually there? There are two reasons for the check in: being social and being narcissistic. Tagging you are in Ubud in Bali can be good to meet up with your mates who are also by chance in Bali and get suggestions from your Gap Yah friends. Tagging you are in Ubud Bali can also be good for maximising jealously levels of exotic travels; you have discovered something new, now lets mark it with our piss so everyone else knows it! But wait you forgot to check in at the Subway at the airport in Kuala Lumpur en route? Yes, because that makes you appear like a bate budget British traveller. There is an undeniable feel good factor from that little red pin drop flinging across the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, and unavoidable social satisfaction of letting everyone know – you ARE a trendy traveller who has fun on their 25 vacation days a year.
No one uses #hashtags anymore, #OUT. Hashtags like Blackberries, are no longer attractive, they are now in fact the butt of jokes. In 2016 you could drop #JustinBieber into any Instagram picture to ensure 30 random likes from stage 5 psycho Beliebers, expanding your reach beyond your immediate circles. Well newsflash, in 2017, this is not the vibe. Putting lots of hashtags after a photo now makes it look like you are desperately TRYING to get likes from random people, not your genuine friends of the Internet! Do not fear Belieber likers, there are some roundabout strategies here. You can throw in 4 space bars on Instagram and sneakily place the hastaggage below the caption. You can also add it seperately as a comment underneath. Alongside this, its worth mentioning it is deemed “acceptable” to write a short novel under your photo to share more personality, link bios, promote your brand…
Don’t go live unless you are a legend. Going “Live” on Facebook is the ultimate broadcast, it is make or break, and if it is not going to be more impactful than Caitlin Jenner getting a sex change probs don’t bother. Yes, the Drake concert looked great, but your iPhone 6 camera from tier 5 Row Z isn’t making my life any better. Save it for a story.
I personally have come a long way from my 2011 Instagram mix up when I mistook the application for a photo editing service, and I am sure I will make more colossal suspicious moon Snapchat mix ups in my years to come – but it is good to lay out some ground rules.