Being in a world where the iPhone has become our fifth limb and there is wifi on public transport, it is no shock that we are all functioning addicts of instant messaging and social media stalking. Sometimes, sending a Whatsapp is more important than paying council tax. With this increased amount of communication, there are now protocols to follow depending on who you are messaging. Through several years of analysis, I have determined there are three main online categories of online people and have taken the time to outline their associated texting habits and preferred tones.
First up, we have the spectators. Spectators typically have an ambiguous social media presence, aka their last Instagram was in 2015 and they have never done a hashtag or a location drop since downloading the app. They sit on the sidelines of the photo feed, often in the box seat with a season ticket. Whatever they do, they will not comment on the performance of players on the field. They will watch every story, alone in the late hours of the evening, but they will never admit to this habit or commend the players on their game. Through experience I have documented that spectators are more face to face people. Their texts revolve around meeting at a time and place, there are no puns, and it will be hard to make out their face in their picture. If you are about to commence the texting game with a spectator, keep it concise. Expect a long wait for their response; 1-3 days means they are keen but cannot admit it because they want to appear mysterious from the sidelines.
A couple rows back are the thumbs up squad. They live to spectate and support, but not play. You can guarantee a like and comment from the thumbs up squad, but you cannot guarantee they will ever enter the pitch themselves. This category tends to be into the constant message emoji text game. They are the kind of people who carry around a portable charger, have read and receive on, and when the two ticks strike on Whatsapp – they know what is up. Puns will be flying, you will probably pivot between two or three messaging channels (to ensure you can speak at all times of the day), and they will most likely know everything about you so you can dive into meaningful conversations with little pre-graft. Watch out with OVER messaging someone from the thumbs up squad, because you don’t want to dive into pen pal territory.
Finally we enter the pitch, it’s the producers. These are the people who document their lives and have no shame in it – because someone does have to do it to make the whole game run. If they weren’t doing a snapchat at Soho Farm house on a Sunday, what the hell would the spectators and thumbs up squad watch on their commute on a Monday morning? If there was no boomerang of espresso martinis, what would be the point in the spectators buying season tickets?? Producers actively engage in daily life activities that will ensure a constant flow of high quality social media production, even if it means walking an extra 2 miles in the morning so you get that sunrise shot of the London eye. 100+ like photos do not just happen like magic, they take planning and research, then accurate positioning and stunting, often even outsourcing others to take it. If you are engaging with a producer, it’s about voice notes, picture messages, and pin dropping locations of where you are. It is essential to mix both media and text together, as this is how they flirt with one another.
Before you fire that next hello, think about who you are speaking to.
** This piece was written for lifestyle and clothing brand Alma de Ace, check it out here: https://almadeace.co/2017/05/15/spectators-producers-thumbs-up-squad-and-their-texting-rules-by-megs-armour/