SO you wanna HTML up in my CSS?

If you like me have realized that the future is not wearing a suit in a skyscraper, it is in fact wearing dungarees behind a computer, you’ll have clocked that JavaScript is looking a little bit sexier with every year that passes. This December in an attempt to live out my life-long dream of working for Snapchat (this was before Instagram killed them), I went to a “Jobs in Tech” event. I was shocked to see that Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Spotify were not looking for marketers, consultants or designers – they only wanted basic programming bitches. They told me code = cash, and programming is the new literacy benchmark of 2017. It was in that moment it was time I jumped on the techy bicycle, rammed my learning up to fifth gear, and entered the Tour de Tech.

1st

 

Realization number 1: tech giants are like schools. They will teach you what you need to know, give you a specialty and provide you with a passport to University (where all the fun really happens). Google is Eton, Deloitte is St Paul’s, Uber is Harrow and the sharing economy start up located in Fiji is Harvard University. You pick a school for a range of reasons: its reputation, the learning and development, the people there, and the location. Pick a tech giant for the same reasons. When you first start at the firm you have your fingers in a lot of pies: your 5 A levels. You are trying to learn a bit about it all, switching teams, switching departments, changing projects. Then you have the eureka moment – you know what you want to study for your final year. You pick one area of the business you want to master, and you put in all the hours. You can get the A you need to graduate, and finally enter the remote sunny tech company of your dreams. Hopefully in your final year of tech giant school your classmates will be the ones you want to go into business with, or just the ones you go to Zante with on a massive piss up.

 

2nd

 

Consideration 2: rinse free courses. I know they say nothing in this world is free but Google Campuses and General Assembly workshops really do defy this statement. There is no judgement, be a course slut; attend them all. Yes, you may find yourself at 10pm on Monday night in a crowd of fruit loops frantically trying to scribble down JavaScript functions from a horrendous COMIC SANS BLACK AND WHITE PPT, but it’s free. Even if you get nothing out of it but the Asda white wine buzz and a good hour of Instagram flicking, at least you know Python programming is not for you. The more you go to, the more you will be able to narrow down your future job title at Facebook.

Trick 3: download all the apps. I agree that I would rather be on daily mail on the 45-minute district line commute reading about Lindsey Lohan’s most recent drug rehabilitation but this isn’t going to make you any money. Udacity, Code Academy, Khan Academy, and Coursera are all free – all it takes is 20 minutes time out of 4od.  Even if you can’t remember a single line of HTML, understanding the concept is enough to classify yourself as having technical understanding on LinkedIn (the source of all complete truths).

second last pic

 

If you have sucked up the free training, rinsed the course, and completed the apps, you are ready for the Programming Bootcamp. Attendance at Bootcamp is 100% worthy of a new bio line on your LinkedIn profile, if not the holy grail of “Endorsement for basic web dev.” Free code camp is over, cough up some cash or ask your company to help with “people development” and get yourself into a two-day course where you can actually make something tangible to show for yourself at the job interview. Yes – the banter is not going to be flying, there isn’t post boot camp drinks, and a lot of people there will be foreign and old, but you might emerge with a three-page website with maybe one JavaScript function on it. If the weekend boot camp is social suicide for you, there are alternative online courses but I would advise only engaging in these if you are more motivated than Lance Armstrong /or have as many study drugs as he did in his tour de tech…

 

Not to be sexist, but if you have a vagina the odds are in your favor for jumping on the tech bicycle to Instagram job success in 2017 due to the severe lack of woman in the industry. But boys, don’t be disheartened, there is room for everyone in Fiji as dungarees are unisex. Hopefully see you there.

last pic

 

 

 

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